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MaskAutopilot driving me
It's not me, I can't even see
I'm spewing emotion and bleeding poetry
It'd be killing me
But we're way beyond that now
The mask is taking over me
Becoming me, I can't breathe
I'm caging emotion and killing poetry
It'd be killing me
But nothing can kill me now
Maybe you'll regret it when you find
The real me gone
And this left behind
The invisible girl could take no more
It hid her away
It bolted the door
Her heart was too tender
Her emotions too raw
Because no one really knew her
No one really saw
And the pain was driving her out of her head
She had two choices
Become the monster
Or wind up dead
So remember this story when you one day see
That coldness has replaced the warmth in me
That my eyes are empty
My laughter hollow
I was gentle once
But this world swallows gentle up like a whore.
The Invisible GirlThe invisble girl could never be seen
No matter how hard she tried
The invisble girl would go home alone
And in the silence of the night
She would cry
And no one ever held her
Because they couldn't see her there
And no one knew she existed
So they didn't know to care
The invisible girl grew older and colder
Her tear ducts shriveled away
For every girl must one day grow up
And then grow old one day
Still no one ever held her
But she slowly learned not to care
And if you look very hard you'll almost see her
But she isn't really there
For the invisible girl
Is invisible no more
But she isn't real
She's just a ghost
ImaginaryI can't take my eyes off you
And you're blinding me
I can't breathe without you
And it's killing me
I'm dying being tied to you
But I'd die if you set me free
This imaginary love
Will be the death of me
It's like I'm living with a ghost
Something only I can see
Pretending you are here
And that you give a damn
Is destroying all I have
It's changing who I am
I can't get my mind off you
It drives me crazy
I can't live without you
But you don't need me
I'm dying just to be with you
But you never even see me
Maybe I'm imaginary too.
Insomniac5:00am and I can't sleep
Someone has to keep
These ghosts company
So again I wait for daylight
Seems I belong to the night
Just the music and blank pages
So spare me a thought
As you drift off to dreams
Cozy in your bed
While I'm here with ragged seams;
Don't worry your slow-sinking
Sleep enveloped mind
About how I've ended up here
And if I'll be alright
It's how I've always been
It's what I've always done
I'll take the moon
You can have the sun.
WordsThese words tumble inside my head
Dancing dangerously close to the tip of my tongue
Demanding not just voice but action
To become more than words
Something real, something true
So I shut my mouth and shut my eyes
Growing to despise these words
And the inevitable pain they signify
No choice is still a choice
But I have no choice at all
No voice at all
Or rather, a voice with false words
To mask the truth
That the real words stay silent
Because they mean nothing to you
The ButterfliesThe butterflies always die in my ribcage
Because the air keeps getting knocked out of me
And my heart isn't broken but it's breaking
Every time my eyes see, my lips speak,
My mind thinks of this dream
This dream like black velvet in summer
Beautiful and yet uncomfortable
It keeps the air from reaching me.
It holds me in and I can't get free
But oh how exquisite the torture is.
The sleeplessness, the restlessness
The slow suffocation of
A soul living for a dying ember
Of something that never could be.
wilting flowersShe only ever loved the wilting flowers
She said their color was more beautiful
Their fragrance sweeter
Because they only had so long left to bloom
And she mourned them terribly
When they had gone
TonightTonight I'm feeling old and broken
Like I'm underwater and love is a voice that seems so far away
Gone is the romantic with a stomach full of tiny fluttering wings
Replaced with this cynic with a damaged heart.
The price of believing became too high
When it took all I had the first time to survive.
So here I sit, music and words and the moments before dawn
And these will be my companions so I will never be alone.
PoetryThe poetry has been bled from me
For too long
Writing circles around the facts
Pretty words to hide the ugly truth
So that now
As revelations are made
And old facades come tumbling down
I have no more poems inside
Stark, bare, uncomfortable
Living poetry instead of writing it
My words used now
To tell my story
So I suppose poetry will have to wait.
O.DMaria flat across the back seat half full needle of something rides shotgun
my plateless Dodge shakes through San Fran near dusk, I can see away
the building the white neon the cross of all the miracles we might make it
reach back two fingers to her neck feel a pulse got it
Van Ness a steel snake a stigmata of coke cans pepper gutters the leaving
sky clutches a final urgent burn my ribs a snapping cage for a demon trapped
heart pounding pounding. Maria always in my tilted rear-view eyes rolling back
hold on baby, hold on
back to road banging the wheel radio barks me through the sharp theatre
of shadows that spring constant, sundown whores and homeless breathe
like humans under wheezy billboards blanket beds traffic people everywhere
come on. come on.
reach back two fingers to the neck feel a pulse got it
more cars. shirts say Giants she stirs in the back pukes a green something
to the floor drops her head again I think I scream hang on through spit
and salt and the hard f
ice fishing: circa 1982white bucket simple rods red bobbers ice scoop
clamber in 1977 slant six blue dodge
arrive smelling the snow like a dream
walking tall across the ice no fear
sit by the hole waiting
hands red raw burning smiling grins
eight years old north pole dreaming vast
tin pail ice scoop sitting granddad pipe tobacco
black ice with blue-veined cracks
polar eternity each ridge an adventure
old blue pickup granddad at the wheel
lonely red sun black pine shadows over snow
washboard ride to home quiet country music local AM
cold happy boots unlaced waiting to return like old sailors
hungry for their sea-bride
dampers opened fire kindling crackles lustily
hard salami saltines tap water mustard pickled bologna
roger mudd reassuring fidelity calm static commercial
granddad briar pipe carter hall tobacco quietly puffing fragrant reality
strength that will never fail beyond surety beyond question beyond imagination
of anything else
to bed to sleep at peace
My best friend~~My best friend is who understand me.
Who is allways near me and listen to me.
Who say to me NO if I'm wrong.
Notice me if I need.
I meated my best friend when I borned in this life.
He is allways near me. Love me more than anything.
He want that I will become happy in this life.
My best friend is my DAD.
Like This Is Somehow My FaultSurely he saw you packing the car,
but he made no effort to confront you.
Thus, his final act in hurting you.
Jumping JacksHey mother, where are you going?
You told me to do jumping jacks
To keep me warm.
I am warm now, see?
I’m taking off my clothes –
It’s scorching outside.
Hey mother, who are you calling?
Am I rebellious? Did I just kill myself?
Really? Is that why I’m floating here?
Hey mother, mother…
I was supposed to love you
So I did.
Hey mother, mother…
You were supposed to love me too,
Hey mother, mother…
It’s raining outside
And I’m jumping
But I want to point something out...
Between my friends and my family....
When I make a mistake...
Normally a question wrong on a test, quiz, or homework...
My friends, pat me on the back and laugh saying it's ok and just relax we have all done it before, it will get better.exc.
My family, wow, you got that one wrong?! How did you do that?! Well you should have studied more, that was a stupid mistake.exc.
When I feel sad
And have a blank expression through the day...
My friends: what's wrong? Me:nothing just tiered... My friends:no your not now tell me what's wrong? Your never like this, you know you can trust us. We won't tell anybody and maybe we can make it better or cheer you up.
My family: what's wrong? Me: nothing just tiered... My family: well maybe you should have went to sleep earlier.
My parents wonder why I like to spend so much time with my friends...
I wish they could see...
Isn't the reason clear...
Pay UpI'm highly inclined
to kill this boy
if I'm to get no peace,
if he does not leave me alone.
I'm highly inclined
to rip out his throat
and show him what his insides look like
if I don't beat the shit out of him first.
Don't be so surprised
I've given warnings.
Liar! You say you care about me?
Well then listen to what I say.
Wipe that smug look off your face,
shoot yourself in the head and die.
Assholes like you need a life lesson
and the price for that is death.
Feature FilmWe wait in line impatiently
As the scent of buttery popcorn wafts past my nose.
In my excitement, I squeeze the big, warm hand holding onto mine
And we step closer to the box office.
We'd sit in awe, watching the big time movie stars
Flashing across the screen.
He promises we'll see the new "coming soon" features.
And I know we probably will.
He'd sit with me through the silliest cartoons,
And I'd sit with him through the long war movies.
And in those few hours, he was not just my father
But my dearest friend.
Our favorites were always the scary ones.
We'd have contests to see who'd jump first.
I'd usually win, because Dad always got the goosebumps.
But that's one of the many things I love about him.
And though you may not think it's so special,
Some memories just hold a permanent place in your heart.
And I hope he always remembers
Those little things I would never forget.
LegacyI guess I'll never understand
The way you lived your life
You neglected the role of mother
In favour of being a wife
And left behind this legacy
Of secrets,anger and pain
And I've tried to understand
But my attempts have been in vain
See, I've never been a mother
But I'd do it differently, I'm sure
I'd slice my own wrists and tear out my veins
Before I let my children hurt
And I'd never let some monster
Steal their innocence away
You said "Half a loaf is better than none"
But I'd take none over that any day
Because the repercussions of your actions
Didn't stop at just your kids
The daughter of your daughter
Has suffered for what he did
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