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MaskAutopilot driving me
It's not me, I can't even see
I'm spewing emotion and bleeding poetry
It'd be killing me
But we're way beyond that now
The mask is taking over me
Becoming me, I can't breathe
I'm caging emotion and killing poetry
It'd be killing me
But nothing can kill me now
Maybe you'll regret it when you find
The real me gone
And this left behind
The invisible girl could take no more
It hid her away
It bolted the door
Her heart was too tender
Her emotions too raw
Because no one really knew her
No one really saw
And the pain was driving her out of her head
She had two choices
Become the monster
Or wind up dead
So remember this story when you one day see
That coldness has replaced the warmth in me
That my eyes are empty
My laughter hollow
I was gentle once
But this world swallows gentle up like a whore.
The Invisible GirlThe invisble girl could never be seen
No matter how hard she tried
The invisble girl would go home alone
And in the silence of the night
She would cry
And no one ever held her
Because they couldn't see her there
And no one knew she existed
So they didn't know to care
The invisible girl grew older and colder
Her tear ducts shriveled away
For every girl must one day grow up
And then grow old one day
Still no one ever held her
But she slowly learned not to care
And if you look very hard you'll almost see her
But she isn't really there
For the invisible girl
Is invisible no more
But she isn't real
She's just a ghost
ImaginaryI can't take my eyes off you
And you're blinding me
I can't breathe without you
And it's killing me
I'm dying being tied to you
But I'd die if you set me free
This imaginary love
Will be the death of me
It's like I'm living with a ghost
Something only I can see
Pretending you are here
And that you give a damn
Is destroying all I have
It's changing who I am
I can't get my mind off you
It drives me crazy
I can't live without you
But you don't need me
I'm dying just to be with you
But you never even see me
Maybe I'm imaginary too.
Insomniac5:00am and I can't sleep
Someone has to keep
These ghosts company
So again I wait for daylight
Seems I belong to the night
Just the music and blank pages
So spare me a thought
As you drift off to dreams
Cozy in your bed
While I'm here with ragged seams;
Don't worry your slow-sinking
Sleep enveloped mind
About how I've ended up here
And if I'll be alright
It's how I've always been
It's what I've always done
I'll take the moon
You can have the sun.
WordsThese words tumble inside my head
Dancing dangerously close to the tip of my tongue
Demanding not just voice but action
To become more than words
Something real, something true
So I shut my mouth and shut my eyes
Growing to despise these words
And the inevitable pain they signify
No choice is still a choice
But I have no choice at all
No voice at all
Or rather, a voice with false words
To mask the truth
That the real words stay silent
Because they mean nothing to you
The ButterfliesThe butterflies always die in my ribcage
Because the air keeps getting knocked out of me
And my heart isn't broken but it's breaking
Every time my eyes see, my lips speak,
My mind thinks of this dream
This dream like black velvet in summer
Beautiful and yet uncomfortable
It keeps the air from reaching me.
It holds me in and I can't get free
But oh how exquisite the torture is.
The sleeplessness, the restlessness
The slow suffocation of
A soul living for a dying ember
Of something that never could be.
wilting flowersShe only ever loved the wilting flowers
She said their color was more beautiful
Their fragrance sweeter
Because they only had so long left to bloom
And she mourned them terribly
When they had gone
TonightTonight I'm feeling old and broken
Like I'm underwater and love is a voice that seems so far away
Gone is the romantic with a stomach full of tiny fluttering wings
Replaced with this cynic with a damaged heart.
The price of believing became too high
When it took all I had the first time to survive.
So here I sit, music and words and the moments before dawn
And these will be my companions so I will never be alone.
PoetryThe poetry has been bled from me
For too long
Writing circles around the facts
Pretty words to hide the ugly truth
So that now
As revelations are made
And old facades come tumbling down
I have no more poems inside
Stark, bare, uncomfortable
Living poetry instead of writing it
My words used now
To tell my story
So I suppose poetry will have to wait.
woman with the burnt-out lungsCigarette-flushed face,
you never bothered trying to quit for your kids, though you were one when you started.
It wasn't real until the Big C knocked.
Once burned, twice shy,
your cousins remembered another family member, pixie-cut hair she once permed so proudly,
double-crossed and dying in a cold bleached bed.
Woman with the choked-down laugh,
we didn't want to believe it was cancer, chemotherapy, hospital, beloved, eulogy, grief,
when your daughter can't even spell the words yet.
It's all we can do to hope you hold faith like your aunt didn't, that you will end
your days knowing God. There's nothing else now but drugs and one last bout of misery.
Say goodbye to your children, Pam, and know you are loved.
To My Best Friends' ChildTo My Best Friends' Child
I miss you more than I thought I could miss
someone I met only as a swift, sharp kick
I miss your unheard cries, your unwiped shit,
the way you never gripped my thumb in your tiny fist
I held your mother for an hour last night
as she shook with wordless, tearless cries
while my husband talked down your dad outside
even your dogs hid under the bed and whined
you had a great set of gay uncles in us
to babysit when your folks needed a little fun
and later, drop you off and pick you up
and much later, teach you drinking without getting drunk
and you were going to teach us too
if we were ready to adopt a friend for you
instead, you taught us too much, too soon
about how much we didn't know we had to lose
Waltz with me a gentle rhyme
Meet me under the moonlight
Where the wind blows backwards
Time will never end
A ghost boat around the skyline bend
And a vampire’s kiss
The blood of a rose
And the song of the abyss
Where the wind blows backwards
That’s where you and me
My child take thee
And earn a window pain
A wolf howl on the biting rain
Until I can take your hand
And we can dance the final death
In your arms
We don't touch eachotherMy family lives in a cutlery set
from the eighteenth century,
each spoon and fork is segregated
by red velvet notches;
we do not touch each other.
I will flinch every time you
hold onto me for longer
than four seconds.
I am uncomfortable on couches
because I was raised to keep
my elbows to myself.
I attempt to accept touch as a gift,
but it feels as if someone
is handing me a bomb,
I can't help becoming tense,
waiting for the explosion.
You're too bony.
I can't deny the facts.
My fingers are icicles that never melt.
My bones are weapons that grow sharper.
There are few humans and felines
that can stand to be near me.
There are few humans and felines
that I can stand to be near.
It will take me years of rehearsing
for my body to feel as if you're
an extension of itself.
If you're patient,
The NoisesTick tick tick tick
Tick tock tick tock
Pound pound pound pound
Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!
It's dreadful, oh how dreadful
This unbearable noise is.
It just ticks on and on
Making my head pound.
Tap tap tap tap
Drip drop drip drop
Ding ding ding ding
My mind is trapped, I am trapped...
The voices, oh, the voices!
Such boisterous voices!
They get louder and louder
'Til I cant hear the world.
Hey hey HEY HEY
Sing song sing song
TALK TALK TALK TALK
Oh, shut up! SHUT UP!
I Wish I Could Have Taken You ThereI wish I could have taken you to Neverland
So you would never have had to see the bad
The war that goes on within your fairytale castle
Fight pirates instead of your own family
Dance with the fairies till the world turned dizzy
Leave the grown ups and growing up behind
Play with wooden swords and learn how to fly
Live with Peter and the Lost Boys band
Hear stories like the Croc and Captain Hook's hand
Never listen to parents fight or 'you cant's again
I wish I could have taken you to Neverland
Phases in GriefDenial
They wouldn't do this to me.
There must be a reason.
I'm camouflaged in bruises,
from head to toe for a lost reason.
Cut my blood open,
and show them what it feels like;
to feel my pain.
It doesn't show itself,
but I know it's there.
I'll give it all for this to stop.
I'll give it all for a second chance
at my past.
Give it all for different blood.
Make it stop.
I slowly build oceans;
by my eyes.
Cover it all up with a few laughs.
Not telling anyone my story.
I accept my future, my fate.
But deep down, the past scars still show.
I'm treated like this but later,
I'll be alone without blood.
I roam my house and all I see is division, hatred, evil, and broken. It is worst as I look at my grandparents home, divided by all and disowning of the eldest.
I wish at times how I would want to see my mother, able to walk the same ground as my grandmother, aunt, and younger sister.
Hated is all I see, blood is spilt on to those who don't care, and hearts die as they are changed.
Two-faced and judgement roll off the tongue naturally toward those who are dead to them. I stay quiet as I hear such things toward one another.
Many times I would like to say 'that the things you say are what we learn. And when we grow older, we will hate our eldest child for one thing. Soon they'll be dead to us.'
I would also say, 'What you're telling us is that we must love our siblings, since that's all we got, but you don't do the same?'
My aunt would reply, 'We are adults, that's different.'
But in reality it's not, . . .
It's being a person who doesn't do as they tell others.
And I hope ka
StrengthThere she lays silently in her room
her radio turned on to low
The faint sound now echoes within her four walls.
Shadows that surround her every move
Alas she is afraid, scared, frightened
She does not fear the shadows
She fears what is to happen next.
Fear that will soon devour her soul
The fear that gives it life
The possibilities that flourish her mind.
All the possibilities...
Those she hopes to avoid..
she hopes to ignore
she hopes will soon disappear
Trying to ignore what she hears in the next room over
the loudness escalating, the adrenaline burning
The fury, the power of deceit
The thudding of their hearts beating
That once beat as one, now only to be a memory
The constant thudding between her ears
The scent of the blood boiling
She pulls the wool covers over her head
The childhood memory
The feeling of safety
Expecting the warmth and comfort
that is then replaced with the coldness
The chills of what is to arise,
what is to come,
what the future holds
Attempting to block out al
LegacyI guess I'll never understand
The way you lived your life
You neglected the role of mother
In favour of being a wife
And left behind this legacy
Of secrets,anger and pain
And I've tried to understand
But my attempts have been in vain
See, I've never been a mother
But I'd do it differently, I'm sure
I'd slice my own wrists and tear out my veins
Before I let my children hurt
And I'd never let some monster
Steal their innocence away
You said "Half a loaf is better than none"
But I'd take none over that any day
Because the repercussions of your actions
Didn't stop at just your kids
The daughter of your daughter
Has suffered for what he did
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More