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MaskAutopilot driving me
It's not me, I can't even see
I'm spewing emotion and bleeding poetry
It'd be killing me
But we're way beyond that now
The mask is taking over me
Becoming me, I can't breathe
I'm caging emotion and killing poetry
It'd be killing me
But nothing can kill me now
Maybe you'll regret it when you find
The real me gone
And this left behind
The invisible girl could take no more
It hid her away
It bolted the door
Her heart was too tender
Her emotions too raw
Because no one really knew her
No one really saw
And the pain was driving her out of her head
She had two choices
Become the monster
Or wind up dead
So remember this story when you one day see
That coldness has replaced the warmth in me
That my eyes are empty
My laughter hollow
I was gentle once
But this world swallows gentle up like a whore.
The Invisible GirlThe invisble girl could never be seen
No matter how hard she tried
The invisble girl would go home alone
And in the silence of the night
She would cry
And no one ever held her
Because they couldn't see her there
And no one knew she existed
So they didn't know to care
The invisible girl grew older and colder
Her tear ducts shriveled away
For every girl must one day grow up
And then grow old one day
Still no one ever held her
But she slowly learned not to care
And if you look very hard you'll almost see her
But she isn't really there
For the invisible girl
Is invisible no more
But she isn't real
She's just a ghost
ImaginaryI can't take my eyes off you
And you're blinding me
I can't breathe without you
And it's killing me
I'm dying being tied to you
But I'd die if you set me free
This imaginary love
Will be the death of me
It's like I'm living with a ghost
Something only I can see
Pretending you are here
And that you give a damn
Is destroying all I have
It's changing who I am
I can't get my mind off you
It drives me crazy
I can't live without you
But you don't need me
I'm dying just to be with you
But you never even see me
Maybe I'm imaginary too.
Insomniac5:00am and I can't sleep
Someone has to keep
These ghosts company
So again I wait for daylight
Seems I belong to the night
Just the music and blank pages
So spare me a thought
As you drift off to dreams
Cozy in your bed
While I'm here with ragged seams;
Don't worry your slow-sinking
Sleep enveloped mind
About how I've ended up here
And if I'll be alright
It's how I've always been
It's what I've always done
I'll take the moon
You can have the sun.
WordsThese words tumble inside my head
Dancing dangerously close to the tip of my tongue
Demanding not just voice but action
To become more than words
Something real, something true
So I shut my mouth and shut my eyes
Growing to despise these words
And the inevitable pain they signify
No choice is still a choice
But I have no choice at all
No voice at all
Or rather, a voice with false words
To mask the truth
That the real words stay silent
Because they mean nothing to you
The ButterfliesThe butterflies always die in my ribcage
Because the air keeps getting knocked out of me
And my heart isn't broken but it's breaking
Every time my eyes see, my lips speak,
My mind thinks of this dream
This dream like black velvet in summer
Beautiful and yet uncomfortable
It keeps the air from reaching me.
It holds me in and I can't get free
But oh how exquisite the torture is.
The sleeplessness, the restlessness
The slow suffocation of
A soul living for a dying ember
Of something that never could be.
wilting flowersShe only ever loved the wilting flowers
She said their color was more beautiful
Their fragrance sweeter
Because they only had so long left to bloom
And she mourned them terribly
When they had gone
TonightTonight I'm feeling old and broken
Like I'm underwater and love is a voice that seems so far away
Gone is the romantic with a stomach full of tiny fluttering wings
Replaced with this cynic with a damaged heart.
The price of believing became too high
When it took all I had the first time to survive.
So here I sit, music and words and the moments before dawn
And these will be my companions so I will never be alone.
PoetryThe poetry has been bled from me
For too long
Writing circles around the facts
Pretty words to hide the ugly truth
So that now
As revelations are made
And old facades come tumbling down
I have no more poems inside
Stark, bare, uncomfortable
Living poetry instead of writing it
My words used now
To tell my story
So I suppose poetry will have to wait.
Mommy loved...Alright, we're going to go visit Mommy.
Why are we going?
Because it would mean a lot to her. She loved you.
No, she didn't.
How can you say that?
Because it's true. If she loved us, she wouldn't have left us.
That's not fair. She had a problem. She tried to give it up.
But she didn't. She loved the pills more than us. That's why she left.
Sad love and a wish I heard her sniffles;
She tried to hold back,
But I could still hear her
And it made me sad.
Why did she cry?
I didn't want to ask,
Because I knew if I do,
She would only get mad.
I wonder if their love
Has faded away over the years
And now I'm really scared
Whenever they fight.
I knew they often fought
About me being useless,
But now they fight with each other.
Why? I don't know.
I once was really worried
When she had a breakdown;
I couldn't find her in the house,
But she only went out with the dog.
I thought I acted foolish
While others said I didn't
And what I showed with this
Was just how much I care for her.
I often think what would happen,
If their fights go out of control,
Will our family be split into two?
Or will everything be harmonic
Like it was before?
I wonder if their love
Can still be repaired,
And if so, I truly wish
That they could be happy once more.
'F' Wordfor grandmother with
her acid tongue
burning away our
for grandfather with his
for uncle, the gambler
for father with
for mother, anxious,
I love you.
Differences between a boy and a man:Boys play house. Men build homes.
Boys shack up. Men get married.
Boys make babies. Men raise children.
A boy won't raise his own child.
A man will raise his and someone else's.
Boys invent excuses for failure.
Men produce strategies for success.
Boys look for somebody to take care of them.
Men look for someone to take care of.
Boys seek popularity.
Men earn respect by knowing how to give it.
Boys quit and walk away when things get hard.
Men will promise to love you through it all.
Be the best man, best husband, and best father.
I feel like I am a shadowI have these questions in my head.
Like what do other people think about me. Every year, day, second,
hour, and minuet I feel like I am a shadow of every
Dear Dad.You've asked me why.
Why I always hold my hair up high,
mimicking a horses tail.
You've asked me why.
Why I always clade myself in layers,
my jacket constantly covering me.
You've asked me why.
Why I always look down at the ground,
and never directly in someones eyes.
You've asked me why.
Why I'm eating something sweat,
While I should be eating less.
You've asked me why.
Why I stutter, why I always jitter.
Why I'm shy, and why I can be so mean.
I'll tell you why,
the reason I'm like this is....
Because of you.
When I let my hair fall free
you always castrate me.
When I remove the layers
that protect the fragile me,
it leaves me open for your
sharp heeled words.
When I speak you don't listen.
When I open my mouth you get mad.
When I'm around others I can't help but think,
They'll be exactly like you.
And the reason I can be so mean at times,
Is all because of you.
You and IYou and I
You my dad I your daughter
Me and you been so much together
I would go anywhere with you
I would do anything for you
You made me laugh, cry and sometimes both.
You meant a lot to me
I would always tell you about my day...and you would listen
You funny faces, jokes and ways how i miss those
Then on December 11th i came home to see you asleep....only to know later you were dead....
Oh dad i've changed....and I forgot things to your funny voice, your serious face...
I could go on forever on how much....you mean to me
Your little girl-Tedesha
idk manit's pretty fucking
when your grandma
and tells you about this new
b o y.
and all you want to do
is tell her that
grandma, i'm a
and i'm just not fucking
yet you know how
her little cross
c h o k e s
her around the
so you listen to her prattle
and you don't
w o r d
LegacyI guess I'll never understand
The way you lived your life
You neglected the role of mother
In favour of being a wife
And left behind this legacy
Of secrets,anger and pain
And I've tried to understand
But my attempts have been in vain
See, I've never been a mother
But I'd do it differently, I'm sure
I'd slice my own wrists and tear out my veins
Before I let my children hurt
And I'd never let some monster
Steal their innocence away
You said "Half a loaf is better than none"
But I'd take none over that any day
Because the repercussions of your actions
Didn't stop at just your kids
The daughter of your daughter
Has suffered for what he did
IowaIf you visit Iowa,
you'll call her fields empty,
but she wasn't born that way.
A part of her was carved out
when she was ripped between Virginia
and the purple mountains of New Mexico.
Her gold hair, she tore it out when she realized
it didn't make her a princess.
She laid her locks strung along every road
leading somewhere else.
White hairs on her cheeks
are scars from winter.
Her hair darkens with the dampness
of summer rains.
The storms are never silent,
but neither is life when there's a tear
in your childhood where
a parent ought to be.
I've been flooded by Iowa's sorrow.
The only way I can distract her from her own voided landscape
is if I hate myself harder than she cries.
She just wants to fly
and I want to bus or train,
not because I fear death, but because
I want to take living slow.
It's the only way I ever feel.
From the air it's hard to watch Earth's hips move.
But Earth can't compare to the country.
That's my girl.
Full grown even when harvesting season's j
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More